Being Sideswiped is a funny thing

Capitalism in Papamoa

The Daily Oddities of life are chronicled in a lovely New Zealand Herald feature called Sideswipe. Readers contribute their offerings, which are then compiled into a sort of compendium of the whacky. Regular readers of this blog will know that New Zealand is a place of many wonderful idiosyncracies that offers itself up nicely to such comic reflections. The nostalgic or the doting also submit memories from their childhoods or from days gone by.

My kind of kaff

With these gentle reminiscences and quirky tales, Sideswiped is good for a giggle or two after a rough day. Mostly, though, the tales are of daily life gone gently wrong. We sympathize with a chortle. Take this little story, for example: "A newly wed Kimberley Hewat invited some friends to her mother-in-law's bach (a beach house). The men spent the day sailing knowing dinner would be on the table upon their return. A pork roast was put into the oven, lathered with oil to make the crackling good and crunchy. The men arrived home, showered, table set nicely to impress, gravy made. Around 9.30pm dinner is finally served. But we all spat out the first mouthful! Turns out I'd cooked the entire roast in Sunlight dish-washing liquid - no wonder the gravy frothed up all over the stove!"

Or this: "My two young sons were being driven to the hospital to see their new baby sister. Four-year-old says, "What's a caesarean?" Eight-year-old answers: "Remember Mummy said you're a Sagittarian and I'm an Aquarian. Well, Renee is a caesarean!"


Thank you, dear

 How about this one? "Mike's wife saw an advert for free fill and, knowing he needed to finish a small retaining wall, thought she'd give him a hurry-up. When the delivery guy rang and asked how much they wanted, she got it a bit wrong. Says Mike: "I only need a quarter of it. Anybody in Torbay need any free fill?"

Kylie Adams of Parnell wrote: "Taking my elderly neighbour Pete to the airport for a domestic flight started well with him on the footpath clutching his bag. Pete has only one leg and with getting sorted, his little bag was left kerbside as we roared out to the airport. Much talking saw me driving to Manukau instead of the airport, so when we finally got to the airport (via the 'scenic route'), Pete suddenly said, "Where's the bag?" We realised it was still on the footpath in Parnell. Panic! I went to the Air NZ service desk to ask for a wheelchair for my neighbour and explained I was about to race back to get the bag when the airline rep interrupted ..."His bag is here." Another neighbour saw the bag and worked out what had happened and had beaten us to the airport." Nice.

We started a similar little feature in the Aberdeen American-News called "Only in South Dakota." Readers submitted their quintessentially South Dakotan bits. My favorite one involved a local wrestling coach. His team were competing in Philip, a West River town a good six hours away. He didn't think he was going to be able to make the meet and sent his team on their way with his deputy. When his meeting fell through he desperately tried to make it to Philip. One of the local farmers offered him his plane. So the coach called up his counterpart in Philip, who told him that he'd leave his truck for him at the airport with the guy in the ignition. Told the coach just to help himself and drive out to the gym.

The coach was deeply grateful and made the trip to Philip in great time. He arrived early, picked up the well-described truck, and drove it into town, where he stopped for a coffee at the local spot. When he walked into the cafe the first person he spotted was his opposite number who, as soon as he saw the Aberdeen coach, burst out, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry I forgot to leave the truck out at the airport."

Turns out everyone leaves their keys in the ignition in South Dakota and he'd nicked someone else's truck!

I hope people keep contributing to Sideswipe. It is good for a laugh.